The First 1/4 of my 40 day Meditation Journey/Journal/Experience
So, I've been feeling (for a while) that I should begin meditating again (as well as continue praying, of course). When I was twenty-five years old, I experienced some amazing effects of meditation, which sorta scared me. As a result of my fears (silly, I know), I was hesitant to begin meditating again. I can see now that if I had been an obedient daughter of our Heavenly Father's, I would have had a significantly better experience through my most recent trials. They would've likely still BEEN (as in, come to pass), but perhaps they may not have been so extreme or rough or negative... anyway... I'm so still always working on being immediately obedient to the direction Father gives via His Holy Spirit. But I am a weak woman. Truly... and truly human.
I began meditating again Tuesday, June 5, 2012. When I first started this Meditation Journal for my blog, I was planning to post the whole 40 days when I finished all of it. I've changed my mind because of how very long that post would be if I did!
My first meditation session (alone with a YouTube channel for guidance since I'm meditating with an entirely different form of meditation from that which I'm familiar with) went well. Rather easy. I experienced the regular yawning and tired feelings, but was able to focus and get through it and enjoy it. I did a very short meditation: only a couple minutes of a calm heart meditation and then another 11 minutes of another sort of meditation. I neglected tune-in and tune-out, though. Just totally spaced it.
June 6, 2012. Day 2 also went well. A few yawns and the need to clear my throat during some of the vocalized parts, but it went well. I felt energized and happier after the session. Today I did a tune in, same main meditation from yesterday, but a little longer because I added a meditation for addiction. So, today is my FIRST DAY of the meditation for addiction. The session went like this: tune-in, main meditation (11 minutes), another 3 minutes for the addiction meditation and a tune-out (only a minute or so long). A total of about 16-18 minutes, maybe. Totally do-able. :)
June 7. Day 3 was difficult. The "universe" (read: adversary) was trying to deter me from my path. It always will when good change is on the horizon. ^_^ The internet, for no reason I could discern, was not reliable. I simply could not pull up pages, randomly. I wanted to remind myself about a couple of points in the main meditation, but decided to just plod on ahead rather than allow the problem to stop me in my effort. And whaddyaknow but the internet began working while I was meditating. YEAY, cause I really needed some remindering about the tune out! :) Oh, and I increased my main meditation to 16 minutes today. Not a lot, but stepping it up bit by bit. ^_^ Still at 3 minutes for the addiction meditation. Probably my meditation time is right around 21 minutes for everything.
June 8. Day 4 was more difficult. I had the itchies like CRAZY! I kept interrupting myself to itch! My neck, my arms, my head... any and everywhere it felt like I needed to itch! And I did try to focus elsewhere and continue meditating without stopping, as I've done in the past, but I just had to stop to itch quite a few times! I did pick up where I left off after each itchy-fest and made it through. I did another 16 minute main meditation and still at 3 minutes for the addiction meditation. I felt really REALLY tired during the silent part of the meditation and I'm not sure that I didn't doze off for a few moments... the time flew by is all I know!
June 9. Day 5 was a little easier. I'm slowly memorizing the vocalizations, which definitely makes it easier. Definitely tired, but I don't think I dozed today, which is a little surprising cause I stepped it up a little. My main meditation was 24 minutes all by itself, plus I stepped up my addiction meditation to 4 minutes today. That brings me to right around 30+ minutes for the whole meditation. (More than 30 only because I review what I don't remember too well via YouTube before I begin each section for which I need reminders.) I'm a little worried that the adjustments I keep feeling the need to make during the addiction meditation is problematic or not normal. Want to leave a comment question about that soon.
Sunday, June 10. Day 6 started out a little yawny today, but it turned into a really great meditation! I did my tune-in and promptly lost track of time during the first part of my main meditation... so I went from planning to do twenty-four minutes of that part of my meditation to 31 minutes. Plus I also felt a sort of need to increase my addiction meditation to 5 minutes. It was during that portion of my meditation that I felt some "magic" happen. I've felt this during meditation before, but not nearly as constantly as I did today. At least, not as far as I can remember. I've experienced numerous occurrances, just not globbed together like today. So, the big deal is probably so NOT a big deal... but I felt this amazing tingling at the back left side of my head after I was about 3 minutes into the addiction meditation. The tingling lasted for probably right around 1 minute! SUCH a good, cool feeling!! I did finish out with a tune-out. So, the full meditation time today was probably around 39 minutes (plus a few review minutes). And I feel good!
Oh, one thing I wanted to note today, which I only really realized today as a result of going to church and being around lots of people there: I felt truly HAPPY again. Like the humungous trials I've been dealing with over the last... oh, year, have become a manageable thing. Maybe even like the pain of the hurts I have sustained doesn't really hurt so much and I can get past the whole holding onto things compulsively; cause I sure have wanted to let go, but didn't feel able and/or know how even though I was trying to rely upon the Atonement. Sooo... I'm thinking the pineal gland massage of the addiction meditation could be helping me out some. How neat, right? We'll see what more happens. I sure am ready for some super positive life changes! ^_^
June 11. Day 7 was fine. Nothing really special like yesterday to report. Jmy did wake up when I was in the middle of meditating. Thankfully Jessie also woke up, so I did not have to interrupt the process. I'm very grateful for the blessing of an uninterrupted meditation time! I completed 31 minutes for my main meditation and 5 minutes for the addiction meditation plus the tune-in and out for a grand total of about 39 minutes meditating today. Yeay! Now, off to bed! ^_^
I realized, rather suddenly today, that I haven't felt stuck in certain thought patters nearly as much lately! YIPEE! Seriously!!! I realized that it was MUCH easier to speak of factual events without feeling the anger/hatred previously attached to them. The things simply were; they were no longer massively charged with emotion. This is ginormous for me because in the past it has taken me ages to actualize The Atonement in my mind and heart over huge hurts. And, over recent problems it was already more difficult for me to change things no matter how much I attempted to turn it over to God. And then to realize that it was happening... IS happening... PRAISE the Lord for leading me to the resource I am using for these meditations! I truly believe my thoughts had created a "rut" both in my brain and probably in numerous layers of my energetic body so that I could not escape myself. And I am becoming daily more free. I have taken the action (meditation) and Father God is releasing me! I Bless His Holy Name!!!
June 12. Day 8 was significantly easier than any of the days previous. Still had a couple itchy moments, but they were not nearly as bad as they have been. My perception of the minutes spent in each section of the meditation was sped up during this experience. Whereas, in the past (with a couple of exceptions for a part of a section or two previously) each section would drag on and I would check the time and only a minute or two had passed. Yesterday I got to a point at which I checked a couple times and 3 minutes had passed. But today I checked and it was 3 minutes during each of the 5 minute sections (except the very last one, for whatever reason) and 5 minutes during the longest section (5 minutes being half the time of that section). I spent much time pondering about change/death (the one being integral to the other and the other being always a part of the one) while meditating today. Overall, a very good mediation. Nothing supercalafragalistic... not like the tingles that one day. *sigh* I hope I might experience something like that again in the future. Not sure why, but it was pretty special! :)
June 13. Day 9 was slightly, yet significantly different. I experimented with wearing a covering on my head and to cover my neck and back. Felice Austin, the creator of the YouTubes I'm learning mantra meditation from, suggests covering the head. I've read that both covering the head and back help increase concentration. I was skeptical that it would do anything at all. But, then again, since the Chakras are aligned to the spine, the crown the head, and the bottom area, it sorta makes sense that it could have some impact or another. Well, it definitely seemed to make concentration easier for me.
I completed my "regular" meditation. The first difference I noticed is that my mind was wandering, but not in random paths. My mind wandered in purposeful ways... like pursuing a thought about one aspect of the mantra or another... or testing possible futures? Anyway, it was very interesting. The next difference I noticed is that I didn't check the time until 4 minutes had passed for each of the first two portions of the meditation. I checked at 5 minutes and then another 4 minutes during the silent portion. During the last two sections I did check a little more frequently, but I think that's because I was so conscious about it by then that my thoughts about it interfered.
The addiction meditation was, somehow, just as difficult as without a head and back covering. I checked the time each minute and completed five minutes. All parts of my meditation, since I don't need to watch much of instructions any longer, lasts between 37-38 minutes. I'm amazed that I've completed 9 days!
June 14. Day 10 was more difficult. I felt so tempted to just not do my meditation today. During the main meditation, I was all over the place in checking the clock. I'm tired, perhaps that's the main explanation? I completely the same primary mediation as usual and 6 minutes of the addiction meditation. I feel good about that especially because that last minute was killer... silly as that may sound. I'm very glad I kept the ball rolling and didn't skip today! (I began working on trying to figure out the self-ePublishing of my "Absoners" story, which I've actually entitled: How We Became; The Same and Always Different... at least, for now. I made a stacked picture cover for my "book," at least the Kindle version. And all that brought me up to REALLY late (or early depending on how you look at it), but REALLY tired. *sigh* Working on that. I really am.
I also experienced some personal revelation. It is so nice, pleasant and enjoyable to learn the truths of God. Thus far, I highly encourage any and everyone to begin their own medition experiment.
Today is also DAY 9 of consistenly including the meditation for addiction.
For the NEXT 10 days, CLICK HERE.
No comments:
Post a Comment